A Senior Struggle

A couple weeks ago I had my senior pictures taken, which is something that I had been waiting to do practically all of high school. During my photo shoot I felt like a princess. I mean what girl doesn't like getting dressed up and having her picture taken by a professional photographer? For the first time in quite a while I felt really secure about myself. I left my shoot feeling truly beautiful and confident.
Then Wednesday night my photographer, Stephanie, sent me the link to my photo gallery. I was really excited, because Stephanie had posted a preview of my pictures on facebook a couple nights earlier, and I got some really sweet responses from friends and family. I happily clicked on the link, only to find myself disappointed when viewing the photos. 

Here's what was going through my mind while viewing my pictures:

• What's going on with my face?
• Why am I squinting?
• Wow I'm cheesin' way to hard in that picture
• Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?
• I should not have worn that sweater. 
• I look like a walrus!
• Why am I so awkward? 
• UG I'M A POTATO

When I say this is what was going through my mind, I mean it. At first glance, I could only think of my flaws. Everything looked wrong and I was frustrated. All of my confidence melted away, and I felt like I was the ugliest girl in the world. I angrily closed my laptop and sat there for a while in silence, and asked myself why I couldn't think of one positive thing about myself? Then, for some reason, I remembered this video I'd seen earlier that day made by Dove called "Real Beauty Sketches." Here is a brief description of the video:

 "The short documentary features Gil Zamora, a former forensic sketch artist for the San Jose Police Department, with his back to his subjects, he draws portraits of a series of women based only on their own descriptions of how they think they look. He prompted them to detail everything: hair length, facial structure, and their most prominent features. . .Each woman was asked before the social experiment to spend some one-on-one time with one of the other participants. The forensic artist then drew portraits of the same woman according to the stranger’s description. At the end of the video, the artist reveals the two sketches – one from the participant’s description, the other from their partner. (Time Magazine)"

From the two sketches collected at the end of the experiment, it was concluded that the sketches created when the woman was describing herself to Zamora, resulted with a picture of an unfriendly and ugly looking woman . However, the sketches created when a woman was described by a stranger, resulted with a picture of a lighter and friendlier looking woman.
Dove concluded from their experiment that:

"Women are their own worst beauty critics. Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful."

I ended up looking up that video again and re-watching it several times so the message could penetrate through my rather thick skull. Although it was weird watching the same 3 minute video over and over again, I'm really glad I did. Like most women, I struggle with seeing myself in a positive light. It seems like every time I look in the mirror, no matter how much time I spend getting ready, I can always find something wrong with me. Society tells us that beauty comes in a specific color, shape, and size, but not every girl fits that description.

 I don't fit that description, but that doesn't mean that I am not beautiful. When I was looking through my senior pictures I didn't realize that. I let Satan and society convince me that my pictures were ugly, because I didn't fit that definition.
I felt insecure, and the only way I could fix that was by looking to my Creator. 

Sometimes when I feel insecure, I have a difficult time coming to God and talking to Him about what's going on. Sometimes I feel silly for worrying about such small things like my senior pictures. Even though I know that Jesus loves me no matter what, I get scared that Jesus might laugh at me or think that I'm stupid.  

So telling Jesus that I didn't feel beautiful was really hard to do, but I did it. I realized that Jesus didn't die on a cross, just for me to turn around and doubt His love for me. Christ is waiting for us to come to Him with our problems, no matter how big or small. Christ is waiting for us to come to Him, so He can remind us of our worth and beauty. 

My struggle isn't gone, but every time I come to Christ He changes my heart a little more. Eventually, it'll be a thing of the past, but for now, when I don't feel beautiful I give it to Christ and let Him hold my struggling heart. 

After some time with Christ I looked over my senior photo gallery once more, and realized that my pictures turned out just fine. Stephanie did a great job, and I couldn't be happier with my pictures! 

I am a beautiful daughter of God, even when I don't feel like it. Jesus always sees me for who I am, and He sees you too.

There could never be a more beautiful you. Never forget it 

-Al

P.S.

Here is the link to the Dove Real Beauty Sketches video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk

Enjoy!

Happy Homecoming

It is that time of year again folks…Homecoming 2013 is here! For some of us Homecoming (which will be referred to as hoco) is great, and something you look forward to every year. For others, the sound of cowbells and the sight of mum materials in the windows of Hobby Lobby makes you cringe.
Where do I fit into this equation? Well I'm right in the middle… I love the pep rallies, parades, football games, carnivals, mums/garters, and how the community comes together during hoco… however, I think that hoco has turned into more of a competition than a time to show school spirit. Most kids who don't have dates are down in the dumps during hoco week. I know this feeling very well, because for 3 years of my high school career I did not have a date to hoco. I remember feeling left out because all my friends had dates except me. I remember asking myself "What is wrong with me? Why am I not good enough?" I dreaded hoco every year and felt awkward at school events without a date.
That dread for hoco changed this year, when my friend asked me if I would go with him as friends. I was so excited, because I would finally get my chance to wear a mum on hoco day, take cute pictures with friends, and participate in hoco activities without a care in the world…I was riding the happy train…Until I heard that one of my friends didn't have a date this year. This bothered me, because I didn't know what advice to give her when she expressed her sadness about not having a date. How could I tell her "oh it's okay you can still have fun!" When I groaned and complained to her for 3 years, about how bad it was not having a date. No matter how many times I told her everything would be fine, I knew that in her heart she wouldn't believe me. 

My friends and I enjoying our last Homecoming!

As I walked around school on hoco day, I couldn't help but feel silly, for ever feeling like I wasn't good enough just because I didn't have a date. After thinking for a while about this matter, I've realized something that I wish I could have realized 3 years ago.

My beautiful mum!

In past years, I based my worth off of the fact that I wasn't asked out by a guy. Like how silly is that? Our dignity, as sons and daughters of God, does not lie in homecoming mums, cute dates, or fun pictures. Our dignity, as sons and daughters of God, came forth when we were conceived. Before we were born God deemed each and every one of us worthy of love. No hoco date can ever change that.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the mum my friend made me and I really appreciate the time and effort he spent to make my senior hoco unforgettable. It is my hope though, that girls (and guys) will look to God, instead of earthly things, to find their self worth. Saint Augustine once said   "You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You." Rest your heart in the hands of Christ, let Him keep your heart safe and allow Him to protect it from those who won't treat it right.

So whether you're dateless or not, you have worth! Just because you haven't been asked out on a date now, doesn't mean that you won't be asked out on a date later! Besides, 10 years from now nobody is going to remember who got asked to hoco, and who didn't. 
You are worth more. Don't ever forget it!


-Al

We Are One Body

One of my favorite things to do at youth group is participate in small group discussions. Typically, we eat dinner with our small group for about twenty minutes, then meet up later on to discuss the topics that were presented to us in the larger group setting. Although I am pretty good friends with most kids in my youth group, I don't know all of them on a personal level. This year in particular, has been a challenge for my small group, because we have a lot of new kids so it has taken a while for us to open up to each other. For me, sharing my opinions/feelings/questions about my faith or life is so easy. .. I mean I could probably talk for hours on end if they let me. Thankfully, most of the other kids in my small group are not like me, so it has been really great getting to know the members of my small group over the past 2 months on a deeper level.

Last week at youth group we discussed our plans for the future and lifelong goals. It was really great because all of the kids in my small group are seniors, so everyone was able to contribute to the group discussion. As we all chatted a bit about what we see in our future I noticed that no two people in my group shared similar answers. The answers varied from a college professor, to a business woman, to a sports dude, to a PE teacher, to a stay at home mom. I looked around at the different members in my small group and thought to myself, how on earth did we all end up in the same group? It actually blows my mind how different each kid in my group is from the other. I am the outgoing soccer player, Brendan is the easy going golfer, Lindsey is the intellectual jokester, Chris is the silly band kid, Amanda is the quiet sweetheart, Karen and Edwin the super reserved kids, Charlie is the braniac, and Kristina and Abby are the bubbly go getters. I found myself amazed at how we were all able to pour our hearts out and share such personal things with each other during small group discussion that night.

Although we all had different immediate goals for our future, we all had the same ultimate goal; live a life according the the will of God. How crazy is that? 10 people, with 10 totally different personalities, and 10 totally different career goals are united by one goal: CHRIST.
That is the reason why I love youth group so much. I absolutely love how people from totally different backgrounds can come together and adore God. Some people say that going to youth group is pointless, but for me, youth group is really what keeps me sane. Regardless of what kind of week I'm having, the youth at my church always put a smile on my face and make me remember the positive things in my life. I always leave youth group feeling ready for the coming week, and inspired to be holier woman of God.

My 2 favorite verses from Hebrews are:
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,  not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

I love these verses, because I think that way too often we forget that Christ didn't intend for us be quiet and serious all the time. He intended for us to have times of silence and reverence, and times of joy and excitement where we can be on fire for God. I think that sharing our faith with others on a weekly basis is really important for spiritual growth. Having a place in which you can go and ask questions and examine your faith is a GREAT way to learn more about yourself and grow as a Christian. I can't tell you guys how many questions I've gotten answered about my beautiful Catholic faith by going to youth group. Like the things that I have learned over the past 3 years of being involved with youth ministry are really incredible. Not only have I grown in my faith, but also, I have grown relationships with other cool Catholic kiddos who are now some of my best friends. (The best part is that I am still learning and growing! God is endless, so we can never get enough of Him!)

I don't know what Christ has planned for me in the future, but I do know that having a strong Catholic community by my side will push me to grow closer to Jesus, and not take life so seriously. I'm truly blessed to be apart of the Catholic church, and have such a lovely youth group.

We are one body, one body in Christ; and we do not stand 

alone.


Never forget it.

-Al